30 Days of Love–Pondering Love

How is love part of your personal identity?

I think love is the feeling I aspire to have for others…all others…not just the easy to love. I can readily feel it for so many. At times it catches me unaware at how a word, a gesture, can leave me with such a radiating feeling of love binding me with an acquaintance, a stranger even. Maybe, it is easier to feel it for those I don’t know so well.

And yet, I distrust a love that is too easy. Love is not easy—it is hard. Love is not words or even sentimental gesture. Love is the only motivation for doing the hard part of life…enduring suffering for another…

This is the lesson I learned early. My father told me he loved me, but he never showed up when it mattered. He could use the words, but it only seemed to be a means to manipulate—to get what he wanted and needed. My mother, instead, was not always warm and open—although she could be funny and sweet and sentimental at times. She worked hard…sacrificed…suffered for me and my brother. That is love—real love. I never doubted the fierceness of her love for her children.

So that is the love I know—not the romantic flowers—but the willingness to face the inconvenient, boring tedium of life to make someone else’s life easier.

That is the love I understand.

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Organize your mind to organize your life

(Reposted from CNN)

An organized mind enables full engagement in a health-giving style of life.

The kind of organization I’m talking about is not decluttering your office or home, or purchasing the latest app to organize to-dos and projects.

I’m talking about the mind’s ability to attain a higher order of order — a calm, wise, positive, strategic perspective — and the skills it takes to get there in small or large domains of life, including health and well-being.

Neuroscientists are opening a window into the disorganized minds of those with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD,) providing insights into how to train our brains to become more organized.

We know that disorganization is not just a problem of ADHD sufferers. It’s an epidemic. I don’t know anyone whose mind isn’t frenzied, distracted or divided by multitasking a good deal of the time.

The connection between disorganized minds and unhealthy habits is compelling. The National Institute of Aging concluded from a recent study that symptoms of a disorganized mind, namely impulsivity, chronic negativity, high stress and multitasking, all correlate with higher weight. For example, adults in the top 10% rating for impulsivity (most impulsive) weighed an average of 24 pounds more than those in the bottom 10% rating for impulsivity.

Whether or not you have an organized mind depends upon your ability to “drive” your attention and keep it focused when you’re under pressure or faced with challenging conditions.

Just like driving a race car, a lot of skills are required. Fortunately, these skills are built into the brain’s normal wiring. So how do you start to tap into your innate ability to be organized?

Rule No. 1: Tame your frenzy

Before you can focus your attention, you need to take charge of your negative emotional frenzy (worry, anger, sadness, irritation). This frenzy impairs and overwhelms your prefrontal cortex, the brain’s CEO or executive function region, so that you can’t “think straight.”

Too much negative stress damages your ability to focus and harms your health. The great news is that the same things that improve your health can improve your mind’s ability to manage negative frenzy. Sleep well, exercise, do a mindfulness practice or choose the slow lane from time to time, even for a few minutes.

Find your unique formula to tame your frenzy so that you drive your attention to its best possible focus.

Rule No. 2: Sustain your focus

Now that your mind is calm, identify one task and one task only. The brain was not designed to focus on more than one thing at a time. Tell your brain what the intention or goal is for your focused session. Turn off your phone and e-mail, shut the door and set the timer for 20 to 30 minutes as a first step.

Rule No. 3: Apply the brakes

Your focused brain also needs to be able to stop, just as surely as a good pair of brakes brings your car to a halt at a red light.

Your brain’s radar regions are always scanning your internal and external environment, even when you are focused. Distractions are inevitable if you are human. Rather than mindlessly succumb to a distraction while in the midst of an important task (including health-giving activities such as exercising, cooking a healthy meal or relaxing), stop, breathe and consider whether the distraction is urgent enough to trump the current priority.

If not, bring your attention back to the important task until it is time to take a brain break to recharge your brain’s batteries, or move to a new task.

Rule No. 4: Access your working memory

Your brain is designed to store a basket of bits of information in short term memory (aka “working memory”). Accessing your short-term memory, turning over various elements in your mind, helps you problem-solve, generate new ideas and insights, and see the new patterns that lead you to a strategic perspective.

More great news: The same strategies that allow you to tame frenzy enable you to better access your working memory — exercise, deep breathing or meditation, and a good night’s sleep.

Rule No. 5: Shift sets

Now it’s time to move your focus to a new task. Move all of your attention fully to the next task and give it your undivided attention. This brain skill, called “set-shifting,” allows you to leave behind one task and leap to a new one with a fresh and productive focus.

Set-shifting is also described as cognitive agility or flexibility. Often our most creative ideas come, seemingly out of the blue, when we’re taking a brain break or focusing completely on something else.

How interesting it is that having a fit and flexible mind is just as valuable to a life you love as a fit and flexible body.

Rule No. 6: Connect the dots

You’ve learned how to tame your frenzy and focus your attention on one thing at a time. You can handle distractions. Your working memory is ready for action when you need it. You are nimble, able to shift deftly from one task to the next. You take breaks, move your body and shift your focus to invite new ideas, insights and connections.

Together, these “rules of order” will help you change not only your habits of attention, but the way you look at your life. Instead of being stressed, you’ll be calmly in control.

You’ll be more productive and therefore have more time to do things that are healthy for your body and mind. You’ll feel good about yourself, and positive emotions are health promoting. And you’ll be able to use your organized mind to set health and fitness goals and focus well on achieving them.

Margaret Moore (aka Coach Meg) is the co-author of “Organize Your Mind, Organize Your Life.” She is the director of the Institute of Coaching at McLean Hospital and the founder and CEO of Wellcoaches Corporation.

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Dying Wishes

As I continue to come closer to a milestone birthday, I look for wisdom to guide the later half of my life. The voices of those who have walked the path longer are always helpful guides. This post by Bronnie Ware clearly and succinctly summarizes  the most important principles that I have heard. I hope to always remember them.

This post was originally published on Inspiration and Chai. (And then reposted on Huffington Post)

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last 3 to 12 weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Bronnie Ware is a writer and songwriter from Australia who spent several years caring for dying people in their homes. She has recently released a full-length book titled ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing’. It is a memoir of her own life and how it was transformed through the regrets of the dying people she cared for. For more information, please visit Bronnie’s official website at www.bronnieware.com or her blog at www.inspirationandchai.com.

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Your Gifts

Your gifts—whatever you discover them to be—
can be used to bless or to curse the world.
The mind’s power,
the strength of the hands, the reaches of the heart,
the gift of speaking, listening, imagining, seeing, waiting
any of these can serve to feed the hungry,
bind up wounds, welcome the stranger,
praise what is sacred, do the work of justice, or offer love.
Any of these can draw down the prison door,
hoard bread, abandon the poor, obscure what is holy,
comply with injustice, or withhold love.
You must answer this question:
What will you do with your gifts?
Choose to bless the world.
The choice to bless the world can take you into solitude
to search for the sources of power and grace;
native wisdom, healing and liberation.
More, the choice will draw you into community,
the endeavor shared, the heritage passed on,
the companionship of struggle,
the importance of keeping faith,
the life  of ritual and praise, the comfort of human friendship,
the company of earth, its chorus of life welcoming you.
None of us alone can save the world.
Together—that is another possibility, waiting.

­‐Rev. Dr. Rebecca Ann Parker

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New Year, Same Old Resolutions

I saw an article about the most common New Year’s Resolutions. After scanning the list, I decided to adopt it wholesale (with just a few tweaks) as it pretty much covered everything I want for the new year — the same things I want every year but somehow never manage to do.

  1. Better relationships with family and friends (The article said “spend more time with” but I think the real purpose is to have a better relationship.)
  2. Exercise more
  3. Lose weight
  4. Enjoy life more
  5. Drink more red wine (The article said “quit drinking” but that’s not the resolution I want to make!)
  6. Decrease spending/debt (The article said “get out of debt” but that’s more than I can do in one year!)
  7. Learn something new
  8. Help others (I think I already do this but I could always improve.)
  9. Get organized
  10. Quit procrastinating and finish my Ph.D. (The article said “quit smoking” but procrastination is my “drug” of choice.)

I also added the following:

  1. Develop healthy eating habits (similar but not the same as losing weight)
  2. Spend more time with my pets (similar but not the same as spending time with friends and family)

I saw another article that gave me some baby steps for the first month. The plan for January is to:

  1. send handwritten letters to family and friends
  2. take the stairs if available
  3. eat breakfast everyday
  4. cutting out gossip/backbiting (which poisons your soul)
  5. have a glass of wine while chatting with a friend/family member (doubles with #1)
  6. leave my credit cards at home unless I have planned to use them
  7. go outside of my comfort zone at least once everyday
  8. make eye contact with others (The more you direct your attention to others and actively listen to them, the better you will be able to help them.)
  9. aim to be better than punctual (maybe then I may just get there on time)
  10. set aside a time to eliminate all distractions (phone, family, chores, email, etc.) for work — first thing in the morning
  11. eat at home more than eating out
  12. turn off the internet in the evening and take time to walk the dogs at the park (this also doubles with #2)

I’ll have to see how it goes….

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To Not Grow Weary…

“The first requisite of success is the ability to apply your physical and mental energies to one problem without growing weary.” - Thomas Edison

One of the greatest challenges I face is needing to push through the boredom and repetitive nature of completing any task. Many projects in my life sit incomplete, lingering in a state of almost, begun and abandoned, left to wither away in the realm of possibility never to be transformed into a state of actuality. I wish that I would get to the point…

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Meaning

I believe you should say what you mean, and mean what you say, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be mean when you say it. You know what I mean?

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Touching Deity: Are You Experienced?

Here is a recent service I gave at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Jackson. I borrowed many ideas and insights from other UU ministers who had presented on the same topic, so much of this has just come through me to be shared at our congregation. In any case, I hope that it helps you explore your own spiritual experiences and the meaning you make.

Stacy Callender

Reflections on our first source:

Direct experience of that transcending mystery and wonder, affirmed in all cultures, which moves us to a renewal of the spirit and an openness to the forces which create and uphold life.

I was recently invited to speak at James Bowley’s religious studies class at Millsaps College to introduce them to Unitarian Universalism. After sharing some information from our New UU class, including a little history, theology, and our principles and sources, he opened the class up to questions. There were a few timid questions offered. The final one was a young woman who asked, “What are your sacred texts?” I replied, “All of them.” Confused she replied, “no, but I mean…,” as I quickly added, “Yes, really, all of them. We welcome wisdom from wherever we find it.” I repeated this several times, but I’m not sure I convinced her.

But indeed, we welcome wisdom wherever we find it—and we find wisdom everywhere! We have listed six specific sources. The first five were written in 1984 and the sixth was added in 1995. Recently, as required by our bylaws, the UUA has considered revisions to our principles and sources. This is not to suggest that there is anything wrong with them. Instead it is our intention to ensure we stay current and relevant—not trapped under the tyranny of history.

The results of the proposed revision left our principles largely unchanged; however, they suggested major changes to the way our sources were described. Instead of the current list of sources, the revision suggested that we change them to a few descriptive paragraphs. The proposed revisions generated much discussion about the relative merits of adding more description compared to the slightly more poetic language we use now. After great discussion and division, the measure was narrowly defeated at General Assembly, our faith tradition’s annual national gathering where congregates gather to make decisions about our future direction. Despite the defeat of this proposal, I’m sure the denomination will continue to explore future revisions to determine the best way to articulate our principles and sources, so it is particularly relevant that we understand them as they are to be able to better contribute to that process in the future. To help us become more familiar, I will be doing a series on the sources to allow us to explore them in greater detail.

I have a second story to describe why I think this is important. Some of you may not remember a former member, Ronni Mott; however, most of you probably read the Jackson Free Press. In a recent issue, they focused on religion and in that issue Ronni Mott made comments about her experiences and in particular the depth in our beliefs:

In 2006, I took an Internet test on a whim: “What religion are you?” Fully prepared for even this innocuous test to pass judgment on my lack of Christian faith, I was surprised when it revealed the answer: 74 percent Unitarian Universalist.

“Well, well,” I thought, and immediately began my due diligence. I had never heard of Unitarians outside of “A Prairie Home Companion,” where Garrison Keillor often makes gentle fun of the sect and its preference for sheet cakes. What I found was a Christian-based denomination, which advocates tolerance for all faith traditions and a “free and responsible search for truth and meaning.”

I began spending Sunday mornings at the little church on Northside Drive, politely making my beliefs known, and politely listening to others. The church made it a point to bring in speakers of diverse faiths, from Judaism to Buddhism to atheism and humanism, and its congregation didn’t refrain from taking stands on social-justice issues including a woman’s right to choose and the death penalty.

For about a year, it was engaging and fun. Then, it began to feel a bit flabby. I wanted to debate theology, not to simply nod my head in polite acquiescence to viewpoints I didn’t agree with. My questions felt more and more strident, and I grew frustrated with the UUs insistence on civility above all else. I felt like Barbra Streisand in “Yentl,” wanting desperately to know “the truth” but prevented from a rousing debate with other believers.

About the same time, I began a yearlong yoga teacher-training course, and something had to give. What gave was my participation with the UUs.

Now I take issue with her characterization. I don’t take it personally that she did not find what she was looking for here. And to be honest, her complaint about us being “too civil” is a pretty rare accusation to have ever been made against us. I myself can remember a time when no one would have said that about us. In this day of great incivility, I am somewhat honored by the fact that we have learned to speak our truth without an argument. Furthermore, I wish her well on her journey, as she seems to have found herself in the yogic tradition. We have been fortunate to allow many people to come here, ask questions, and find answers for themselves that draw them onward to another path. We are pleased to offer this possibility to the community. However, her main contention was that we did not have a strong theological position of our own. Rather we talked nicely about any and all perspectives. I couldn’t disagree more strongly—our statements of principles and sources do have very definite and thoughtful theological underpinnings that are unlike other systems of beliefs and help us understand how we approach the world and come to our personal theologies. A great deal of effort went into the writing of these statements, and they decidedly wanted to express our unique perspective as a questioning rather than an answering faith tradition.

First, our theology is represented in our seven Principles which describe how see ourselves in relation to others, to truth, and to the universe. They bridge from the individual to the ultimate on how we are with other beings. Specifically, they are written in a mirrored format with the first three principles discussing us as individuals within small, interpersonal relations while the last three deal with us in our larger societal relations encompassing the whole universe. The first deals with how we view every individual, as having inherent worth and dignity. The second addresses one-on-one interpersonal relationships, with justice, equality, and compassion. The third looks at how we are in congregations, accepting one another—not just tolerating them—and encouraging them to grow. And mirroring back the fifth addresses how congregations relate among each other and with and within other groups to which we belong, using a democratic process and respecting individual conscience to guide us. The sixth addresses how we relate as countries and nations, having a goal of a world community with peace, liberty, justice for all. The seventh, the flipside of the first which deals with the micro, deals with the macro of how we view the whole of the universe as an interdependent web of which we are a part. The fourth, and central point of our principles, describes a free and responsible search for truth and meaning – it is our central task, it is what we do in the world. There is a wonderfully, rich theology bound up within those principles, crafted with great care by our predecessors.

Likewise, our Sources share how we view the world. Instead of relations, our Sources share how we view the evolution of theological history. They proceed through the pathway that people have come to know truth over time. They begin with individual’s attempt to grapple with the mysteries of life through direct experience of that transcending mystery and wonder, which some call God and others don’t, but is affirmed in all cultures, and which moves us to a renewal of the spirit and an openness to the forces which create and uphold life. Then some individuals came to unique insights, or prophesy, that they shared with those around them, moved by passion and courage to share words and deeds of these prophetic women and men challeng[ing] us to confront powers and structures of evil not with anger or violence but with justice, compassion, and the transforming power of love. Over time, the teachings of prophets have become codified into religions, attempts to answer the questions of life and to guide people on how best to live—wisdom from the world’s religions which inspires us in our ethical and spiritual life. We then turn to the specific religions—Judaism and Christianity—that Unitarians/Universalists come out of which still are foundational to our understanding of the world and our approach to it—Jewish and Christian teachings which call us to respond to God’s love by loving our neighbors as ourselves. In the twentieth century, our growing emphasis on rational and scientific understanding led us to embrace the wisdom of Humanists—teachings which counsel us to heed the guidance of reason and the results of science, and warn us against idolatries of the mind and spirit. At the end of the twentieth century as our science helped us better understand the world in which we live and the historical values of our ancient past, we gained a growing awareness of our interdependence with nature and developed a hunger for meaningfulness that led us to a new spiritual awaken based on nature and informed by science—spiritual teachings of earth-centered traditions which celebrate the sacred circle of life and instruct us to live in harmony with the rhythms of nature. This awakening of spirituality based on the natural world leads us back to our original source as we grapple with the mystery of life. Indeed there is much to be gained from digging deeper into the ways that we come to know.

Today, I would like us to dig a bit into that first Source, the most basic and personal way that we come to awareness—Direct experience of that transcending mystery and wonder, affirmed in all cultures, which moves us to a renewal of the spirit and an openness to the forces which create and uphold life. So what does this first source mean to us? It is the most confusing source to explain. The short and glib answer—God. It reminds me of a joke I once heard:

A Unitarian is stuck by a blinding light. The booming voice of God asks, “And who do you say that I am?” The Unitarian replied, “You are the eschatological manifestation of the ground of our being, the ontological foundation of the context of our very selfhood revealed.” And God said, “Say what?”

But really if you look deeper, it is rich in meaning. Direct Experience has to do with who has authority of religious experience:

Rev. Laura Horton-Ludwig wrote in her sermon on this source:

Going all the way back to Emerson and the Transcendentalists in the 19th century, our liberal tradition has said personal experience, what we feel in our own hearts, the struggles that we live through, is the most important authority in religion. If religious scriptures say one thing but our heart says another, we go with our heart every time. If a religious leader, like a minister preaching from a pulpit, says one thing but we find we can’t accept it, we go with our understanding of the truth, every time. You don’t have to believe everything I tell you. This is the spirit of freedom and personal responsibility which we have inherited, and which I hope will always be at the core of our faith.”

Rudolph Gelsey wrote about the choices we make as Unitarian Universalists:

“If there is a conflict between religious dogma and individual conscience, individual conscience comes first.”

The starting point of our spiritual understanding is always what we feel and believe in our deepest self to be true because it has come out of our life and our experience. The movie Shadowlands chronicles the life of C.S. Lewis from a secluded and comfortable don at Oxford writing about Christian life and how to grapple with the faith to a man, confronted with a loving relationship in all of its messy wonder, with a brash New Yorker who spoke her mind and upset his English calm, to her slow and tragic death from cancer laying waste to his life. At her funeral and again at his faculty gathering, he is confronted by the typical words of supposed comfort from his religious tradition, some he even wrote. He rails against the hallowness of them—the inability of them to match up to his personal experience. He is quoted as saying “Experience is that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.” That is the experience to which we refer, the kind that smacks you with a power beyond your daily life and forces you to examine your deepest beliefs about life.

Transcendent Mystery & Wonder is a nod to our deeply personal mystical and spiritual understanding. William James says the characteristic of mystical experience is that it resists being put into words. You can’t describe it fully, not really. But still you can try.

Now, many here may reject this notion of mysticism. In fact, I’ve heard more than once, people declare “I’m not spiritual.” Well, maybe that’s because they have a very limited definition of what “spiritual” is. Being spiritual doesn’t mean going into a trance, although that may be one way someone has had a spiritual experience. There are many other ways that people have encountered and can encounter the spiritual in life—watching a sunrise, looking at a newborn, watching someone die, seeing a smile on the face of a friend, seeing a new shoot break forth in a garden, looking at a work of art. Rabbi Michael Learner defined spirituality as: “an experience of love and connection to the world and to others…awe, wonder, and radical amazement in response to the universe and a consequent unwillingness to view the world merely in instrumental terms”. Mystical, spiritual, or “peak” experiences, visions, moments of awe, inspiration, wonder, whatever we choose to call them can be common occurrences if we are open to them.

Affirmed in all cultures speaks to the universal nature of belief. Anthropological evidence shows that humans have been spiritual for at least 60,000 years, clear back to the Neanderthals. A recent book by Dean Hamer, The God Gene: How Faith is Hardwired into our Genes, proposes that religious experience is integral to our species. Using the measure of transcendence and genetic studies, he explores the link between spirituality and our genes. The “Self-Transcendence Scale” find three essential components of spirituality (self-transcendence) including: (1) self-forgetfulness, which is the experience where you lose track of time and space, (2) transpersonal identification, which is the ability to feel a unity with all things, and (3) mysticism, which is the fascination with things that cannot be easily explained. He examined what people report as peak spiritual experiences and found that people report similar sensations: (a) a sense of wholeness and unity with the universe—a connection to everyone and everything, (b) transcendence of time and space including a loss of the sense of boundaries of the physical body, (c) an openness to emotions and an overwhelming positive mood such as a deepened sense of joy and/or peacefulness, (d) an appreciation of nature and the environment, and (d) an increased tolerance for others, for change—a willingness to try new things and a shift in values. Although his results are controversial as to their scientific merit, his conclusions may have the truth of literature. He finds that spirituality has much to offer us as a species. For example, by blurring our sense of self, spirituality allows us to become members of a cohesive group. Spirituality also provides us with an innate sense of optimism. It alleviates anxiety and gives us a sense of purpose beyond ourselves. This can keep us from being incapacitated by the thought of death, and drive us to want to keep on living. His findings fit with several studies that have shown that spiritual practice actually improves health and extends life. The implication is that spirituality just plain makes us feel good. If we feel good, we are more likely to reproduce; thus, this gene or genes would have been evolutionary advantageous, and would have been selected for. Viewed in this light, being spiritual is uniquely human, and spiritual experience is as ancient as our species. Of all the creatures on earth, we are the only ones who can find meaning in anything from the most mundane to the most complex. What a gift—while other animals outperform us many ways, our specialty is to be the makers of meaning.

But as Hamer noted, “Our genes may predispose us to believe, but they don’t tell us what to believe in. We must distinguish between having certain beliefs and the act of believing. That act of believing, the ability to believe, is the great gift of human kind.”

Barbara Bradley Hagerty’s book Fingerprints of God sought to take this further step. Her purpose was to find evidence—or fingerprints—of the Christian God in scientific studies of the brain. She concludes that science might be pointing to a God who hard-wired us to be able to communicate with him; however, Hagerty, steeped in the notion that Christianity is the ultimate and only truth, struggles mightily with the inescapable conclusion of the brain studies she uses as evidence: spiritual experience is strikingly similar across cultures. The brains of Buddhist monks, Franciscan nuns and Sufi mystics all look the same on scans. Hagerty ultimately admits that “Genetics—and science in general—cannot referee between Christianity and Islam, or Buddhism and Zoroastrianism.” Again, as Hamer stated, “Our genes…don’t tell us what to believe in. …the ability to believe is the great gift of human kind.”

A renewal of the spirit and an openness to the forces which create and uphold life. The upholding and valuing of life is particularly important to our faith tradition as we do not necessarily hold any promises of an existence beyond the life we know. Those who know me well, know I am usually late to everything. In fact, I am usually a reliable 10-15 minutes late to everything—everything, that is, except movies. It may be because of the power of stories for me. They have been good friends since my childhood. But I think it may also be the very limited timing of access. I just cannot watch a movie if it has already started. The limits, then, give meaning to the experience. Likewise our awareness of the limits of our life…our awareness of our impending death gives meaning to our present life. As a child, I was often reminded of the saying: Life is like a quarter. You can spend it anyway you want, but you can only spend it once. We may believe many different things about what happens when we die, but we know we are alive and we know we will die to our present form. That makes this life significant. It is our direct experience of this human condition that compels us toward that which transcends our own lives and gives us a sense of meaning about what happens to us here. We can find answers to the questions in life from any of our sources; they provide answers about evil and suffering, happiness and purpose, but none are as powerful and transformative as those insights we come to ourselves—like a thunderbolt, a crystallizing moment when all things come into perspective and we see ourselves and the world and all of humanity and our place within it. In the words of Richard Gilbert “In this fragile moment of time is the culmination of all that has been and the promise of all that shall be.”

These experiences create a transformation in us that in turn makes us more alive. As Rev. Buehrens said:

“Each of us has transforming moments. Not all of them are soaring. Many are painful, breaking through our defenses to raise challenging questions of us, just as we so often have questions of life. In such moments, we can sometimes receive life once more as a gift, not as a given. When we do, when we are more open to life’s unfolding questions of us, then we can identify more deeply with others, with those who are also challenged. We can commit (or recommit) ourselves to join with them to serve justice, to love mercy and to walk humbly together before the Mystery that gives us all life—and to do so even in the face of death.”

I have experienced these personal transformational experiences. At the age of 19 years, I experienced what some might call a religious awakening or a rebirth. For me, I experienced this as a casting off of the religious beliefs I was given as a child. Up until this point, I had struggled for years with the frustration of failing at the rules that I had been given, which I believed I must follow to be acceptable in the eyes of God. Walking across the lawn of my college campus, I once again questioned, why do I continue to fail to follow the rules I had been taught? Like a thunderbolt, the answer came: If I do not live it, it is because I do not believe it. If I believe it truly, deeply, I would follow it. But if I am constantly having to remind myself of it, it is not a part of my core beliefs of how I am in the world. Not once have I ever had to remind myself, “Now today, when I go out, I need to remember—don’t kill anyone.” Probably because that is part of my core beliefs. Some of the other, stuff, maybe it just wasn’t all that true for me. This realization helped me shed years of guilt and an oppressive view that led me to undervalue myself.

I have recently found, at the age of 38 years, a growing awareness, another spiritual awakening, a new rebirth. This time it is more of a taking on of religious beliefs. This has been more of a gradual process, but I indeed, I again have had a crystallizing moment. This one came not from a specific question, but more as a phrase that has come to me during my meditations. It is that we are all children of God making our way to perfection. As a person that considers myself as a non-theist, I don’t even really know where that phrase comes from or exactly what it means. But it encourages me to see each person even those who piss me off as a person of value, a person of worth, that I should treat with the dignity and the compassion that a child of God deserves. More is the realization that I can’t expect perfection, completion, wholeness from someone on the path, in the middle of her/his journey—as long as we are on the path, the meaning of our lives are not set and there is always room for growth and transformation. It tells me that my role is to help them get better and for me to accept their role in helping me be better.

Each of you have your own experiences, I know, which are just as significant and beautiful and powerful. As we come to the end of this service, I’d like to invite you into a time of silent reflection on the moments in your own life when you have touched mystery and wonder, when you have felt renewed and deepened and opened. These are your gifts, and they are holy. Let us be in silence together.

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Purpose

I’ve started this blog as a means to work out my ideas and to improve my ability to convey them in a concise and interesting way. Of course, I could keep a traditional journal, but to be honest, they are way too easy to lose among all the papers in my house. I could also just keep a word file—something that is electronic but private—but there is no pressure or accountability that way. Even if no one reads this, the idea that someone might read it means that I have an obligation to be serious, intellectually honest, and yet tactful. A purely personal journal allows for rants and demagoguery that is all too easy and does not require the rigor of possibly having your words come back to you.

After several months of letting thoughts rumble through my head about who I am and who I want to be, what I want to do with the time I have, and how to have more meaning in and from my life, I am now trying to articulate what is important to me and how I see the world. Most of what I have found is not revolutionary nor unique. In fact, it is the same ideas that most religious scholarship leads to: the most important things are not things. I value people, conversation, cooperation/collaboration, community, systems, creativity, and problem-solving by focusing on solutions.

I believe that systems can be created and nurtured (and changed and adapted as needed) to support the healthy functioning of people, and that creating and nurturing these systems should be the responsibility of all of us. I believe that communities are organized complexity, like life itself, and like life, they break down when they become disorganized complexity. This is not to say that transitions, adaptation, and even improvement do not call for the breaking down of some aspects of society—especially those aspects that are no longer useful or do not support the health of the system, but rather that breaking down communities is not the end stage. We should not forget our responsibilities for building up what we break down.

The problem that most haunts my thoughts is that of generational poverty. We have discovered how to break free from the bonds of gravity to go to the moon but have not found a solution to break the bonds of poverty that shackle generations after generations of us. There are too many unhealthy families that fail to support or nurture each member, especially the children. Often they are trapped in unhealthy communities of concentrated poverty where there is no model of health and no means to improve their lot. Too many kids have their sense of value undercut, their potential wasted. How many communities have been crippled simply from not benefitting from the untapped talents in their midst? How many of the world’s problems remain unsolved because we write off these children in poverty? Where would we be if we truly believed that each person was a special and unique gift to the world?

Of course, there are many forms of poverty. Right now, the country seems to suffer from a poverty of goodwill towards others—a poverty of trust and mutual respect. At the heart of this, I believe lies the mistaken belief that we are all separate. Modern woes are said to be rooted in our feelings of isolation and disconnect. In fact, we have never been more interconnected and interdependent. If we could only see how each of our actions impact all of those around us, what a difference it would make in what we choose to do and how we do it. If I saw how my choices led to someone else’s pain and suffering or how by another choice I could improve the lives of others, would not my path be clearer?

What we need is to foster a new language that supports understanding, fosters a spirit of interdependence, and promotes progressive ideas, systems, and ways of being. I hesitate to use the word progressive—as it now has a connotation of being the hip, new replacement for liberal. Not that I am ashamed to say that I am a left-leaning liberal. I certainly agree with the mission of progressive ideas. But I truly want to be liberal—open-minded, seeing the multiplicity of approaches and ideas—not the left-wing zealot who makes no space for someone who sees the world differently. I want a world in which my mother, an avowed right-wing zealot, can comfortably exist and have her positions understood and respected (even if they are not always followed).

I do commit myself to stamping out the pervasive plantation mentality that continues to harm my community, my state, and my region—and in so much as these beliefs influence and control the national political stage—my nation. I vehemently oppose the idea that some people are masters who can break any rules they like, can take any privilege they wish, and who make their living off of the labor of others who they feel no obligation to respect. Likewise, I vehemently oppose allowing people to wallow in the pit of learned helplessness—so mentally and emotionally beaten down that they waste their lives waiting for others to tell them what to do or for others to do for them.

My vision is that of an interdependent community that focuses on solutions and works collaboratively and creatively to bring about meaning and purpose for all. We can achieve this vision by enabling conversation to bridge the divides, fostering community among all we meet, encouraging creativity and collaboration as we seek solutions, and creating meaning in our own lives and in the lives of others.

This is one way for me to begin to do this.

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